Alone. Forever. Mentally, anyway.

Ayesha's her own worst enemy.

Black Dagger emotions; white hot memories

Protector of some; envied by many.

Ridiculously.

Do they even KNOW me?

Nerd girl-square in a biker chick's frame.

Smoke and mirrored shell and they don't even know my name.

I want to be free.



Played down the perfect skin tone, suppressed the wants, focused only on the needs.

Thought of them yesteryear, later on they'll remember me
Make myself smaller, so they can seem tall
Thinking my dreams will come later
That they'll catch me if I fall.

I'm falling...

Don't let the hair grow as long as it can be.
Just blend into the crowd
Just be the one that caters to their needs.

Any and everything; living a lie,
Who were you fooling with your head held high?
Kingsfield said my brain's full of mush
You're one of them, lol
Did you believe you were one of us?

Hallucinating.
Regurgitating.
Never had it all.
...Self-deprecating.

Aaaaaaaaand

Where exactly has it gotten me?

Broken heart, shattered frame; *le sigh* *le sigh* yet and still whenever I heard my name...

I answered the call, responded in kind.

There when needed, what happened to mine?

When I sought out a friend, what preyed was simply foe.
Wolves in wolves clothing
Insatiable needs still grow

But.

Who can I turn to?



(Ok, that's an Xscape song from a million years ago but still true for me TODAY.

This day. Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis day.)

And by the time someone notices the poisonous nip through my leather clad skin, before it's read that the infections seeped in...

It's too late, the hurt actually wins.

The optimistic, the resourceful, the good girl died.

Not completely this time but just a little more inside.

That part of me's gone, it's met its end.
That part of me that needed release, she died. Sans friend.

Again.

This. Blows.

Cause all I needed was peace.
I messed up and this time
The means didn't suffice, but caused the grief.

Big time and I got no one to blame
Same old song
Same stupid game

But geesh...

My heart hurts all the same.

And I can't change one damn thing...

But I needed a hand today.

And just a little love.

...Sweet love.