Sunday, June 19, 2011

Today I want to say choose me
Pick me
Please
To my father and
To the man I called daddy

Today I want to be ok with
This cry
I don't want to feel numb
Empty
I want them both to feel me
Because only one saw me

Today I want to thank both
The one that wouldn't be
And
The one that didn't have to be
But did

Today I want to be just a little
Angry
At the mothers who made selfish decisions
Thinking only of their needs
Never chess-game strategizing
What a little she might need or he
The little one's, that little tiny me...

But only just for a while
Because when he chose the drink
Over me
Her beautiful mahogany was all I could see
I was her mini-me
And above and beyond
Rena loved
And
she never left me

Growing up without you, Tommie
Hurt me more than you'll ever know
I looked for you in so many souls
Wishing so desperately
If I prayed hard enough
Maybe you would appear magically
And you would know
Me

So I'd close my eyes and I'd fall fast asleep
But you had your own demons to defeat
I had my own missing pieces to bear
But when I'd wake up Leo would be there
In his quiet reverie and introverted space
Without hesitation
He upheld your position
Never ever trying to replace
He had daughters of his own
But he never showed a difference
Never caused us to run a race

Some ppl have none; I had two.
One that gave me Life and one that showed me Love.

Choose me.

Pick me.

LoveU4Life...Aisis

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~

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