Alone. Forever. Mentally, anyway.

Ayesha's her own worst enemy.

Black Dagger emotions; white hot memories

Protector of some; envied by many.

Ridiculously.

Do they even KNOW me?

Nerd girl-square in a biker chick's frame.

Smoke and mirrored shell and they don't even know my name.

I want to be free.



Played down the perfect skin tone, suppressed the wants, focused only on the needs.

Thought of them yesteryear, later on they'll remember me
Make myself smaller, so they can seem tall
Thinking my dreams will come later
That they'll catch me if I fall.

I'm falling...

Don't let the hair grow as long as it can be.
Just blend into the crowd
Just be the one that caters to their needs.

Any and everything; living a lie,
Who were you fooling with your head held high?
Kingsfield said my brain's full of mush
You're one of them, lol
Did you believe you were one of us?

Hallucinating.
Regurgitating.
Never had it all.
...Self-deprecating.

Aaaaaaaaand

Where exactly has it gotten me?

Broken heart, shattered frame; *le sigh* *le sigh* yet and still whenever I heard my name...

I answered the call, responded in kind.

There when needed, what happened to mine?

When I sought out a friend, what preyed was simply foe.
Wolves in wolves clothing
Insatiable needs still grow

But.

Who can I turn to?



(Ok, that's an Xscape song from a million years ago but still true for me TODAY.

This day. Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis day.)

And by the time someone notices the poisonous nip through my leather clad skin, before it's read that the infections seeped in...

It's too late, the hurt actually wins.

The optimistic, the resourceful, the good girl died.

Not completely this time but just a little more inside.

That part of me's gone, it's met its end.
That part of me that needed release, she died. Sans friend.

Again.

This. Blows.

Cause all I needed was peace.
I messed up and this time
The means didn't suffice, but caused the grief.

Big time and I got no one to blame
Same old song
Same stupid game

But geesh...

My heart hurts all the same.

And I can't change one damn thing...

But I needed a hand today.

And just a little love.

...Sweet love.

Sineca is Officially a High School Student.

Congratulations Sineca, on an 8th grade job well done.

My very words to him in this picture are: I am so proud of the young man you are and the man you will become. He is a leader not a follower and I love absolutely every single microcosmic atom in his entire existence. Good Job, you will always be the BooBear to my Yogi...um...are you sure we should tackle this?

Yes. I'm sure.

A Wing and a Prayer

I tried to reach out
Hoping for a wing a a prayer.
One is needed today
But you are not here and I am not there.

Yet.

Soon come.

I don't need this for me;
I am always fine,
I'm fine!

I need this for a young man
Not one of yours but one of mine.
I fear for him today
Although he has been blessed
I fear that he will be changed
He, of course
Pretends to careless.

It is his nature.

He's an adult, I've dealt with that lately
Living out his dream, no longer my baby.
He'd come to you if only he knew you were there.
And you wouldn't turn him away
You'd show him love and you'd show him care.

It is your nature.

He needs a prayer today,
Some words lifted up in kind.
He needs a prayer and soon come,
I sent up all of mine.

He was born with the wings
I've given all I have
He didn't ask for the curse
Even still, it sits in his lap.

What will be will be.
It is written and has come to pass.
Please pray for ease
And
Strength to last.

It's selfish of me to take up
Any more
Of your time.

I don't ask for me,
But there is no Pride
When I ask for mine.

I'm good.
I'm ok, I always am...
Really, just a prayer.
I'm fine...

Just one of those days...

So, I am impatiently waiting on the grades to be published and was bored out of my mind...until The Black Dagger Brotherhood crept into my brainwaves. I am officially bitten.

Last night I started BookIII Lover Awakened ( see pic below ) and tonight I am beginning BookIV Lover Revealed... ( also below, along with a yummy raisin, cranberry, blueberry, sunflower seed, peanut & walnut mix ).

It seems that I may get through the entire series by the second Summer Session in July. It's taking about a day and a fourth to get through one novel. It's massively appealing!

Great night...it is the BOM!

So, it's raining in Greater Boston and I am indulging in two of my favorite things: a good book(!) and an awesome lean meal (one very thin flat chicken breast, onions, mushrooms, and scallions w/a white wine sauce).

I have fallen head over heals in love with The Black Dagger Brotherhood of the J.R. Ward Vampire Novel series. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome!

The BOM* side of things is not likely what you think. BOM stands for - Berries, Onions, Mushrooms. They are energy boosting, calorie burning little wonder foods. Yum!

So, as per my usual modus operandi, not going into overload is quite frankly impossible. On both the fat burning side as well as the hunka hunka love burning side: I. Am. All. In. ;)

It's Raining

Rainy days are for movies...the DVD kind. I'm sure I've seen everything in this house and I am certainly not going out n this weather :(.

Wait! I haven't finished watching Underworld Part III. Guess I'll go fish that out of the pile ;).

Update Later!

Here's my hair coiffed and my end tables updated, as promised ;-). Life is good.

I am redecorating the living room this summer and these end tables are the beginning. The focal point will be my ridiculous library of books. I wonder how it will turn out...

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~.

HaHaHa...HeeHee...Lololololol

Here I am folding clothes, doing the domestic thing because I'm just soooooooo domesticated (not!) and I came across one of my favorite shirts!

Everyone who sees this says the same thing: ONLY. YOU. AYESHA.

Heehee. Only me ;)~, Smooches!

(PS. And laugh all u like - I have literally not had to wash clothes since February when my school term picked up speed, so there's an enormous amount of clothing!. Sineca and Jazz get their clothes specially washed, dried, and folded by their Grandmommma (say that like Samantha on Bewitched when speaking of her mom Endora!). Oh and 'don't judge me -___- on not washing my clothes. Lol. I had PLENTY to go through, I was busy and you shouldn't judge the undomesticated. AND at any rate I bought my mom an uptodate High definition washing machine and she WANTED dare I say LOVED to do their washing! Lol, or at least that's what I choose to believe ;)~)

Oh and this is me going to wash! Ignore the stressful grimace and enjoy the cute sundress because I hardly ever wear them.

Ok, lata gatas!

New Project!

I started working on these end tables yesterday and today I am working on that AND the Mufasa mane that I have the nerve to call my hair!

I'll post photos of the after when it's all said and done ;).