Swim.

See.

Hear.

Feel.

Swim. 

Feel the ocean envelope you; let its salt cleanse you, its liquid bathe you.

Just. 

Be.

The ocean,

in its infinite sacredness, is not to be underestimated. There is nothing safe about the ocean; nothing safe about Love. Where there is yin there will be yang.

Acuity. 

Balance.

Flotsam.

Jetsam.

Option.

Choice.

And yet. 

Here you are: filled with noxious endorphins.

Heart pounding against the breast plate.  

Protective. 

Captive.

Bereft. 

Stoic.

Will you stand on the shore, longing for sacred waters. 

Or. Will. You. Swim.

Swim.

Love and light. -- Aisis

Let There Be Light..,

Love and light. -- Aisis

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised - Mike Brown

What Gil Scot Heron meant in his brilliant 1971 prolifics was not the literal but the metaphorical.  This revolution is certainly televised, but it will not be balanced this way, it will not be won on that medium.

 The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Gil Scot Heron

You will not be able to stay home, brother.
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out.
You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and
skip out for beer during commercials,
Because the revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be televised.
The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
In 4 parts without commercial interruptions.
The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon
blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John
Mitchell, General Abrams and Mendel Rivers to eat
hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary.

The revolution will not be televised.
The revolution will not be brought to you by the
Schaefer Award Theatre and will not star Natalie
Woods and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia.
The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal.
The revolution will not get rid of the nubs.
The revolution will not make you look five pounds
thinner, the revolution will not be televised, Brother.

There will be no pictures of you and Willie Mays
pushing that shopping cart down the block on the dead run,
or trying to slide that color television into a stolen ambulance.
NBC will not be able predict the winner at 8:32
on reports from 29 districts.
The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
brothers in the instant replay.
There will be no pictures of Whitney Young being
run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process.
There will be no slow motion or still life of Roy
Wilkens strolling through Watts in a Red, Black and
Green liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving
For just the right occasion.

Green Acres, The Beverly Hillbillies, and Hooterville
Junction will no longer be so god damned relevant, and
women will not care if Dick finally screwed
Jane on Search for Tomorrow because Black people
will be in the street looking for a brighter day.
The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock
news and no pictures of hairy armed women
liberationists and Jackie Onassis blowing her nose.
The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb or
Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom
Jones, Johnny Cash or Englebert Humperdink.
The revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be right back
after a message about a white tornado, white lightning, or white people.
You will not have to worry about a dove in your
bedroom, a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl.
The revolution will not go better with Coke.
The revolution will not fight the germs that may cause bad breath.
The revolution will put you in the driver's seat.

The revolution will not be televised, will not be televised,
will not be televised, will not be televised.
The revolution will be no re-run brothers;
The revolution will be live.

Love and Light. -- Aisis

The Show Must Go On.

This gives me Life.

Smile and focus in the face of adversity because whether or not you show up and participate, the show, that is life, must go on. So put your game face on and make it happen.

Love and light. -- Aisis

I mean...

So then there's that. 

Love and light. -- Aisis

Vini. Vidi. Vici. (.)

Çälifôrñįā

#BucketListLine4CheckedOff

This post is about me and my finishing ONE of the very most difficult tasks of my entire adult life.

One.

I have accomplished a number of things that I am extremely proud of, one of course being the published novel I so slaved over...the other being the final accomplishment of completing this law degree that I worked so desperately to covet. 

Long days, long nights

No weekends or holidays

No semblance of a life

Two or three short breaks: 

Hookahs & Hose (bourgeoisie inside joke) 

Blonde hair & afros

Concealed beverages & Patron

Family & friends, beginnings and ends 

Cancelled plans, missed celebrations

               Relationships on the mend

And sometimes, like today...like this very moment in time, in all of my exhaustion, all of the stress finally seeping from my pores...I can't say with complete conviction that it was worth it, not yet.

I am in tears; joy-filled. I think. I can't decipher because it's all so new. I am relieved; yet I am filled with an over over-abundance of something...

joy - regret - trepidation - determination

I still must pass the BAR.

So, then there's that.

Only.

Time.

Will.

Tell.

#MOOD

          #iAmMoreThanAConquerer

   #BloodSweatTears

You're on your own
In a world you've grown
Few more years to go,
Don't let the hurdle fall
So be the girl you loved,
Be the girl you loved

I'll wait
So show me why you're strong
Ignore everybody else,
We're alone now
I'll wait
So show me why you're strong
Ignore everybody else,
We're alone now

Suddenly, I'm hit
Is this darkness of the dawn?
And your friends are gone
And your friends won't come
So show me where you fit
So show me where you fit

I'll wait
So show me why you're strong
Ignore everybody else,
We're alone now (We're alone now)
(We're alone now)
I'll wait (We're alone now)
(We're alone now)
(We're alone now)
I'll wait (We're alone now)
(We're alone now)
(We're alone now)
(We're alone now)
(We're alone now)

Suddenly, I'm hit
Is this darkness of the dawn?
And your friends are gone
And your friends won't come
So show me where you fit
So show me where you fit

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my life. -- Aisis

Peace. Live that...

On this rainy dreary day, I choose peace, love and happiness. 

Today. I am happy. Praying is talking with the Almighty One; meditation is listening.

I hear You.

Love and light. -- Aisis

Is Mercury Currently In Retrograde…?

Today, I am reminded that life is precious. This past August, on my way to my law clerkship, my truck started to violently shake while on the highway. My plan, because of my #innerfat girl, was to skip exit 11 and head 1 exit down to hit Bruegger's Bagel place (for a toasted Asiago square bagel with butter and American cheese, two slices, two bagels *please skip right over the last  10 characters* ;'(, yes two bagels #dontjudgeme -___-...) and then to Starbucks for a Grande Salted Mocha Frappucino with Whipped Cream (a total morning caloric nightmare -- I mean, it's almost the daily intake...but who's counting?!*). That was my plan, but Lola Buggy had had enough of me at this point and as she began to rage against the machine that was my hunger; I then started to acquiesce. Am I really about to push her beyond her means right now? Seriously, it was an ominous moment for me. 

See, to understand fully, you must know the love affair that blossomed between Lola Buggy and I. 

I. Loved. My. Truck.

We met on August 22, 2010. She sat there ready for the tow lot to just carry her off into the sunset...no one wanted to nurse her back to health. She was all, "...pick me...love me...choose me..." to no loving avail. But alas, I heard her cries and I answered her calls, cuz her tiny dented little red soul spoke to my heart. 

And off we drove...

So Lola Buggy had some issues, I mean, ya think? She'd only had one owner but she was made in 1996 and had sat unattended for over three and a half years and in Boston! Ok, so that's a combination of 12+ snowy/salty/frigid-infused winters, rainy/dewy/slippery-sogged springs, humid/hot/sweltering summers, and healing/relaxing/ pumpkin-spiced latte'd Falls. Autumn. Just saying the word comforts me. Isn't it literally (yes, literally) like: The. Best. Time. Of. Year. Ever?

But, I digress; #MyB.

Back to Lola's issues: they were aplenty. But she was worth it. That truck took me everywhere I needed to go and certainly a few places I had no business going. Honestly, I can't even believe she lasted as long as she did. It's not like we didn't have some bumps in the road...because, yaaaah uhm...about that #breakdownlife.  

I'm at the station having what I had deemed a pretty kick-arse day, when I opened the little circular door  to add my daily $20 bucks for the round trip ride from home to class and back home again when all of a sudden it hit me (for what hit me keep reading as this was a simultaneous action) and I hadn't even looked at the actual compartment, I just began the whole: GAS-IS-HOW-MUCH-A-GALLON and YOU-HAVE-GOT-TO-BE-KIDDING-ME inner soul rant and filling the tank with gas, when all of a sudden (see, here it is, as promised) gas was spilling everywhere! But why…?

If you know me at all, then you know exactly what I did at this point: I pushed the unattached pipe back into place and promptly bursted into a ridiculous amount of laughter and tears, lol. I didn't know if I was upset and finally off my rocker, like in its complete and finally form or if it was just THAT funny, I'm still not sure about that one either, truth be told, lol. After which I texted my peeps the above pictures with a notation that Lola better get me through the bulk of law school (and she did) and #dontjudgeme. It took every molecule in me not to quit school and return to the working world. And I mean, EVERY solitary thing.  That was somewhere around 2012.

Stories abound. That time when she went all Dukes of Hazard on me…that time when the muffler just decided to let go, that time when the metal rod fell from the roof's interior, into my lap, whilst driving and to this day, I still have no idea exactly where it came from...

Back to the infamous day in question, so because I am more used to breaking down than I should be, at my level of age and intelligence, I decided to get off the highway and take my little self to the **fob. This of course meant that I was no longer driving the requisite 65mph (this will have massive meaning later).  Off the highway and onto the byway, I'm cruising toward Dorchester Ave at about 20mph when I stop at the red light at the four-way traffic section in Lower Mills. Light turns green, I'm the first car so, it's all a go….I turn right onto the two-way, one lane Dot Ave and accelerate to possibly 10mph when Lola decides right then and there that she has had enough of me and all of my abusive ways (see Maxine in the Waiting to Exhale movie #GetYoShytGetYoShyt)!  The truck simultaneously lifted, fishtailed into the left lane (no traffic at all at 8:20 a.m.) and kicked off the back driver's side tire! The tire popped right off the truck in the middle of the street, like the cork from an awesome bottle of Pio Cesare Barolo (I miss being able to afford such red wine luxuries ;-(, soon come…) and proceeded to land first on the hood of and then up the window and to the roof of a little blue-haired lady's little old Honda-something, who was on her way to wherever pretty little blue-haired seniors go at the crack of dawn….and then down to the front, yes the FRONT of an apartment in the nearby Chocolate factory. That's a pretty long route to roll.

Meanwhile back at Ranch Crazyville (i.e. the inside of said Lola Buggy…) I was tripping tf out.  I did not know what to do first. Everything in me was on level SERIOUSLY?! So I sat there for about 20 seconds shaking when my cell rings, it's my mother. Of course, it's my mother, who else would feel my life like almost end? I literally almost lost my life y'all, on August 25, 2014. I mean, do you get that? I'm not being dramatic or unrealistic which I am wont to do, at any given moment, some necessary others, not so much…but this was beyond even my imagination and as you can see (…read?) my imagination is vast. I tell her what happened and keep in mind, I am in the middle of the street still. I'm all, "I don't even know what to do right now…", so she starts trippin' (you know my mother) and then because I have now put her into crisis mode, my soul who had jumped out of my body to inspect the truck was now standing at the window asking if it was ok for her to resume her spot because I was all Johhny Blazzin' it in my psyche and my chakras were totally misaligned and seriously, she essenced, we had things to do. I get back to my self, or my self gets back to me, somewhat. You know how it is when your soul leaves your body and has to get back to that comfortable spot? Yeah, that.

Handle. Business. First.  Then call the kids. Then find a way to campus. Then call the sQuad (Felicia, Ingrid, Angie, Edwinna). Then text everyone that I love, that I love them. No need for deets, not these kind of deets, not like Right Now, like, it was at 8:30 a.m. and they were all at work themselves, or on their way or with their babies. (Hi Sophia the Sassy and Nate the Great!)

I call my ***foss to explain that but for my tire popping off and my potentially accidental survival, I so would have been on time.  Ok. Pause. I did not explain the above planned deviation at this time in search of bagels and things of that nature. I mean, did he really need those details, like then? Un-pause.  I told him in all of 26 seconds what had occurred, he asked if I was ok and then all of the requisite personal injury questions of the profession, always the attorney, and I replied in kind, still shaking. I needed off this call.  Stay there we are on our way, to which I understood.  I point this out because I do not remember anything said specifically before or after. I pressed end, knowing that all necessary calls had been taken care of (mom called me, I called the office, the office made the necessary calls for towing, etc) and that the office saviors would be there in less than five minutes and then I promptly burst loudly and deeply into 20 seconds of thankful to be alive tears.  People then surrounded the car (one guy had run down to retrieve the wheel), told me they couldn't believe the truck didn't flip over, that the wheel hitting the Honda of old blue-eyes surprisingly caused no damage, that little Blue refused to move her car until she knew that I was "ok in there", and that I was lucky to be alive.

You. Ain't. Never. Lied.

I'm gonna need you to not notice that I was holding up the rear bumper with a pulley type mechanism. I was met with a bit of a conundrum, either fix the bumper of a truck that may or may not get me through the winter for a few hundred bucks or a pulley-holder mechanism for $2.99 that does the same job. You. Do. The. Math. (Speaking of math, I'm thinking it's time I gave a lesson in coupon clipping. Seriously, you will not believe how much money you can save on household necessities: groceries, paper goods, laundry! So that you have extra money for the really important things in life like…BOOKS! -- or savings accounts, blah, blah, blah.)

One of the scariest moments of my life. This changed my entire thought-process.  I say all of this to say that so much has changed in my life since that day. I am not taking another moment for granted. I am not wasting anymore time on the 'what if' possibilities, no more of the 'ok, let's see how this plays out' kind of scenarios.  If it's not going to fit, then it must go. My world; my rule. And if that is unappealing to the masses, so be it. I do appreciate that I will follow when it is necessary and that I will freely give up the reigns, but until such time, and that will take time, it's my way or no way.  Wait. Don't say "my way or the highway," because really, the tow truck guy explained what exactly had occurred.

My tire had been replaced just two-weeks prior by a AAA agent. Apparently, either this agent didn't properly tighten the lug nuts or someone who wants me to join baby Jesus before his dad is ready for my arrival loosened them because they were worn away. He also said, had I been going any faster and in traffic, this incident could have been fatal. 

Ok, if you were not paying attention or you have short-term memory like I do, please re-read the aforementioned this will be important later piece of this diatribe or otherwise remember that ya girl was just ON THE HIGHWAY DRIVING 65MPH OR MORE, IN TRAFFIC, IN BOSTON, DURING RUSH HOUR not two minutes before said incident! #GoodGrief

I. Just. Can't.

So I won't.

I got out of that truck and never got back in again, not even to gather my things. They were sent to me, thankfully. It was hard for me to let Lola go, she helped me get to the grocery store, take my mother wherever she needed to go, pick Sineca up, drop Angel off if he didn't wanna drive his own car, visit Jazz at her little spot, drive to school and back, whereas now I must carpool and walk pretty late from the train, and thank God for that quite honestly, and friends that care because I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I already owe my degree to like a million people, geesh!

But I mean, I was enjoying the morning, listening to Tupac's Thug Life, (****Epiphany!) because you know I rep these streets, I mean being all Legally Black and what-not, handling my Mini-Thug and all, it's kind of my job, so yeah…

I'm thankful to be alive and to continue my hopes and dreams and IG memes, Yaaaaamean?…On some ole one day at a time type ish. But I do miss my Lola Buggy, she served her purpose much longer than anyone expected or deserved and I have no complaints. And like Lola, who had her bumps and bruises along the way, I too, just got tired and gave up…on to the next round.

*Calorie intake 986.
**Fantastic but non-billable place of employment (or fake job for short -- this is my sick way of laughing away the fact that I do not work in this environment, when I so should be!)
***Fantastic but non-boss Boss (or fake boss -- this again, is my non-plussed way of expressing the fact that I am presently unemployed.)
****Was it all my Tupac? #ThugLife!

#iWokeUpLikeDis

I woke up with the worst headache, this is after I started to get things back into focus. It's getting close to the end of the semester and my brain is heavily in float-mode: it's foggy but just keep swimming (can I get an *Amun-Ra from my peeps that know this law school colloquialism & a heave-ho! from my Finding Nemo Love-Buggies. Yeah yeah, I mixed it up...my blog; my rules. Lol. Who doesn't LOVE Finding Nemo -- You made me ink!).  

Anyway, obstacles abound and work to do and black letter law to forever memorialize and miles to go before I sleep and miles to go, before I sleep...

So, yeah...back to my morning selfie, I never take life too seriously, it makes you old before your time (or in my case, before I've decided to be old, lol) and THAT above all else, is enough.

Love and light. -- Aisis

*The duality of the hidden god and the visible sun. It's mythology, relax people.

Come As You Are

Come As You Are

Brandy

I was just a girl, innocent like a dove

I was just a girl, no thoughts of making love

I was just a girl, when holding hands was enough

I was just a girl, a man didn't mean as much

Now I'm a woman, a passionate woman

Now I'm a woman, a true leading woman

Now I'm a woman, a sensual woman

Now I'm a woman, a woman, a woman

I was just a girl, when flirting was all it was

I was just a girl, and kept feelings bottled up

I was just a girl, never knew how to touch

I was just a girl, when love didn't mean as much

Now I'm a woman, a passionate woman

Now I'm a woman, a sensual woman

Now I need someone who has something in common

Now I need someone, someone, someone

He don't have to make lots of cheddar

You don't have to bring love letters

You don't have to fool with the fellas

Someone let you know that you can get up

So come as you are, baby

So come as you are, baby

So come as you are, baby

Come to my heart, oh yeah

I was just a, I was just a, I was just a girl, sweet like honey

I was just a girl, used to spending money

I was just a girl, you couldn't buy me

I was just a girl, who wrote in her diary

Now I'm a woman, a passionate woman

Now I'm a woman, a true leading woman

Now I'm a woman, a sensual woman

Now I'm a woman, a woman, a woman

I was just a girl, so soft spoken

I was just a girl, mind wasn't open

I was just a girl, my work had me focused

I was just a girl, I was lonely in a showbiz

Now I'm a woman, a passionate woman

Now I'm a woman, a sensual woman

Now I need someone who has something in common

Now I need someone, someone, someone

He don't have to make lots of cheddar

You don't have to bring love letters

You don't have to fool with the fellas

Someone let you know that you can get up

So come as you are

So come as you are

So come as you are

Come to my heart, baby bay

It's what I want, what I want

It's what I want, what I want

It's what I want, what I want

It's what I want, what I want

I need a man whose sure of himself

I need a man whose true to himself

I need a man who does for himself

I need a man who already loves himself

He don't have to make lots of cheddar

You don't have to bring love letters

You don't have to fool with the fellas

Someone let you know that you can get up

So come as you are

So come as you are

So come as you are

Come to my heart

Love and Light. -- Aisis

#SelfieGoddess

That yellow lip tar was for my Halloween Costume: Harley Quinn. That I never actually put on! I have absolutely fallen in love with this song, so I just HAD to share!

"Unsteady"

X Ambassadors

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Mama, come here
Approach, appear
Daddy, I'm alone
'Cause this house don't feel like home

If you love me, don't let go
If you love me, don't let go

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Mother, I know
That you're tired of being alone
Dad, I know you're trying
To fight when you feel like flying

But if you love me, don't let go
If you love me, don't let go

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady

And before the emails abound: 

1). This is not a subliminal, lol…I just LOVE this song. 

2). Please feel free to let me go, love or no love, if this has ever occurred to you.  Who would want to be held indifferently?  There's only two choices -- love me or leave me alone.  Love can be up close and personal or it can be distant and impersonal. Not a problem. The problem is the lack of love. I love because that is who I am.  If I am unsteady, it is likely because I ebbed when I should have flowed. So. My. Bag. (My bag not my bad….uuughhhh, hipsters! Can people just THINK for a second? It's my bag as in baggage not my BAD, what in TARNATION?!)

3). I expect nothing of the world; yet everything from the Universe. I've given the world so much of me that I can hardly think a straight path without adding, "What about…?"  How's about I give to me a little bit more and let us see what adventure follows. Shall we…?

4). I am the self-titled #SelfieGoddess, lol…I had to combine a few pics to the chune…(in my best British-Jamaican accent).  

Ha! I kill me.

Love and light. -- Aisis

Bliss.

 

State of Bliss. Silly me, circa 2010. All I ever really desire is to just BE. So, instead of asking anyone else to just BE with me...I decided to just BE, myself.

'Myself' doesn't necessarily mean alone, it means whether I am alone or not I am still at ease. See, I spoke with a friend a few days (weeks?) ago and since words and auras resonate heavily with me, that conversation changed my view on certain things and certain people, present company included. It's amazing what people say and do without realizing what they aren't saying or doing speaks volumes. It's an observation in humanity and humility. Mine and theirs. 

Yet and still, Life goes on ;)...and I'm glad in it.

#NamastéMofos 

                      I'm really not.

;-)~...

Love and light. -- Aisis

The Journey.

...back to the books.

Happy Sunday ;).

Curly Sue Got Married

I only saw that movie once, but the title fit, lol. My hair has a mind and zone of its own!

The good, the bad, and the red-ly...(heavily-filtered! I wanted the red to POP!)

To the fullest, in all of her many phases and transformations. 

Curly-crinkly, hang out and study UCC 3 & 4 type of hair day. #LoveandLight

(This pic was taken abt 2 or 3 weeks ago, it's sooooo not this red!) 

Even on my day off...#Flawless 

...Because Tupac.

Sometimes all you can do is listen to Tupac :).

Solo. And I'm feeling good...

C'est la vie

"When A Woman's Fed Up"

I'm standing here looking in the mirror

Saying "damn" to myself

I should have known the day would come

That she would find somebody else

And all the things I took her through 

Shit, I shouldn't have lasted this long

Now I'm at this telephone booth calling Tyrone

[1] - Cuz when a woman's fed up

(No matter how you beg, no)

It ain't nothing you can do about it

(Nothing you can do about it)

It's like running out of love

(No matter what you say, no)

And then it's too late to talk about it

(Too late to talk about it)

Now let's talk about how it all goes down

I used to make love to you daily

When the night fell the same

And anytime that you were hurt

I could feel your pain

And if I had a dollar

It was yours, yeah

And whenever we would go out

I would front the bill 

But now the up is down

And the silence is sound

I hurt you too too many times

Now I can't come around

[1] - Cuz when a woman's fed up

(No matter how you beg, no)

It ain't nothing you can do about it

(Nothing you can do about it)

It's like running out of love

(No matter what you say, no)

And then it's too late to talk about it

(Too late to talk about it)

La da da da da la la da da

La da da da da la la da da

If you don't want to find out the hard way

Then listen to this song while the record plays

[1] - Cuz when a woman's fed up

(No matter how you beg, no)

It ain't nothing you can do about it

(Nothing you can do about it)

It's like running out of love

(No matter what you say, no)

And then it's too late to talk about it

(Too late to talk about it)

You can cry a river 

'Till an ocean starts to form, yeah

But she will always remember 

Cuz she's a woman scorned

And if you ever get her back

It will never be the same

She's cuttin' the corners of her eyes

Every time she see your face

Now your trust is out the door

She don't want you no more

You used to tell your boys, not me

And she would always be there for you

If you had took the time to see 

What that woman meant to you

Is what the mirror said to me, whoa

She was raised in Illinois 

Right outside of Chicago

Some of the best cookin' you ever had

Yes, it was and I miss her

C'est la vie...