Jaded but not blue

I’m tired

Tired of having empty dreams

Tired of giving my all and not being seen

...just for them to forget what I mean 

to them

Or meant 

Upon a time.

Tired of loving people to their health & their happy place

Tired of putting on a façade & a happy face

...for their pleasure and not mine.

Tired of ignoring the pain

Tired of listening to their holier than thou 

In vain

Tired of being the face of the right thing to do

Tired of being morally astute in my view of you

Tired of your incongruent brand new

...even though I know all too well the YOU of you

Deeply. Wholly. Specifically. Covertly.

I see you. I saw you.

And I still loved you.

And I still do.

Tired of those who don’t truly know me

I’m letting sleeping dogs lie at last

Because I’ve become tired of swatting the fleas as they pass

Tired of inconsistencies

Tired of being judged 

Tired of the solace and the silence

Tired of the space and ambivalence 

Tired of believing in the fairytales

Tired of crying for hours on end 

Holding tight to pain-filled wails 

Because I don’t want to say the words to hurt my “friends”

Because I waited patiently to make amends

Not because I caused pain, not because I wasn’t a friend

But because I’m breaking it off

Because I will no longer bend

I’m thinking you won’t even notice the shift

You fear being open, causing a rift.

Tired of believing in “...taking it to the grave”

There’s a new path to walk and it’s being paved

It’s different now

And it will never be the same 

We’re family....

It was said

But only in name

Now it’s time to just do me.

Like you did and do

While I waited in the wing

Remembering I stood by your side when you were in need 

Waited for you to get up to speed

Been there; done that on your new ‘ting

Never left your side on some New Jack Swing

Never just focused on my own thing

But you did.

I am tired, y’all.

Of holding on to the love of this my only one

I’m tired y’all.

And. I. Am. Just. Done.

Today, I let it all go.

And It Doesn’t Feel So Good.

Today.

But it will.

Because Me.

When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you.

- - Lemony Snicket

Intent

What is your intention for the day?

For tomorrow...for your Life?

I write to express; I write to learn.

The more you teach; the more you understand what it is you need to learn. This moves you infinitely closer to your purpose.

Know your goal.

Write it down. Work on it everyday. Achieve it...piece by piece. (And don’t stop! #MessageToSelf)

Check off that step, move “On to the next one.” - - Jay Z

.

.

.

And know your worth. Always. - - Aisis 

The (Ayes Ha)ve It.

Beauty is in the Ai of the beholder

Behold.

It's not the hair on my head,

It's not the clothes I wear.

It's not the gloss I don

Not the eyeliner/mascara pair.

It is the Love that I give 

It's the Life that I dare.

And it's not of my doing

I'm like a gem

And 

I am rare.

--

And. 

Then. 

There's. 

You.

There's so much you do

So much you lay bare

I would give you my life

My soul to share.

iAm She; the Little One

Love me here or love me there  

Here on earth or anywhere.

But.

Always love.

**Laissez-faire.

4:18 a.m. 

Bro, do you even intellect 💡, the ayes have it? My name is all in there 📰 #InPlainSite. I'm definitely a "*G".

*G is for genius, et al.

**Laissez-faire - A French phrase meaning let it be (can also be used in a politically systematic context)

The Ai of the Storm

It was axed; and that tree did fall.

It was moved by the wind; and that body of water did wave.

It was plucked; and that Calla Lily did eventually die.

It was hidden; and that soul did wither.

It was in the sun; and that picture did yellow.

It was unsanded: and that wood did splinter.

It was untreated; and that mahogany no longer shone. 

It was cut; and that body did bleed.

Profusely 

Until there was nothing left.

And then...

Something new and beautiful grew.

Life.

Anew.

Crazy

I've always been Vampiric

Up all night, sleep all day, living life a bit hazy 

He thought of me weird and wondered how

Life made me so crazy.

He never understood I was fighting for Love

My thoughts focused and clear 

He being one of The Lost Boys

Me wanting to be bitten.

Me

Having no fear.

And

He,

Blindly unaware

Of the

Life

He encompassed.

Harsh injustice.

C'est la vie, #SillyRabbit

Life moves on. 💋

Bloodless

#StayWoke

I am deeply aware there are people that take my kindness, and my silliness, my right-right nowness; my:

Bluntness;

Happiness;

Hippiness;

Quietness;

Stresslessness;

Descriptiveness;

Stubbornness;

Giddiness;

Wondrousness;

Child-like Hopefulness;

Forgiveness;

Aloofness;

Rise above it allness;

Breathlessness;

Unostentatiousness;

Overscrupulousness;

Agelessness;

No-ness;

All of my 'nesses for "Emptiness"...

Don't judge me for your lack of earth-connected-ness.

Although I am free flowing like the air I breathe; I am also solid as sediment. 

And.

All I do is rock, rock, rock.

Don't fall prey to my sweet lullaby of living.

I don't relish the light; I am not shady.

I know how to use that light; and I see your shade.

And I remember.

I see you. 

I see you. 

I see you.

* (To be clear, this is not to the You of the plural you, as in every reader. This is to the Hers of the you. The She's of which are either well aware or not so sure. Be sure. My child-like abandon didn't get this far being empty; I made it this far because I worked for it. And because I enjoy my life, as is, does not mean it is less than, or that iAm. #IJS...Do you even J.D., though?)