She is mine and not yours.

Reality is:
Painful in its words
Powerful in its force
Unimaginable in its belief
Insensitive in its attack
Eye-Opening in its truth
Unforgettable in its honesty
Unforgiving in its heart
Selfish in its love
Unwavering in its jealousy
Independent in its entirety
Conditional in its love

The stuff that both dreams and nightmares are made of.

It is not a good day.

The denial was expected, but the reason?

Independence takes responsibility for actions, yours and others, and not intentions, yours or others.

Tattooing eye-opening statements of truth with a frost more frigid than the Arctic Ridge and just as painful when rigor mortis finally, without remorse, sets in.

It is dead.

Reality, and it's dogma, bit me. Hard. And I will never be the same.

It is a stranger when suffering, spewing foreign words with a native tongue. Power does not wane.

You are conditional.

I am un-.

But MINE is not yours, this much is a cold hard truth. The kind that wakes you from a dream and you realize that you are not in Kansas anymore.

Were you ever?

It is the fear of letting go and re-learning that the seraph does not exist, at least for me...

Promises. Promises.

Broken pieces of the puzzle I used to be.

I am the Phoenix.

Independent. Again. I leaned but a degree in time. That time was not mine. And now I stand. Still.

Straight.

Alone.

And I will never be the same.

Always Love?

Always.

Only now, I can see and I will never close my eyes again.

Reality bites.

Bite me.

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or -un, this is my Life.

Have You Ever...?

I absolutely love this song by Brandy...

(chorus)
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever,have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything up to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

(chorus)
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever,have you ever

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day
when they will care

(chorus)
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever,have you ever

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep


Have you ever?

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or –un, this is…my Life ;-)~
Aisis

Who are you, really?

So...tomorrow we will, if you join me that is, talk about the characters thus far.

Most of these passages are direct quotes from the book, some earlier parts, some later. I did take the liberty of adding and subtracting some minute words. Some characters are harder to describe, being much more of a feeling than a scripting...weird?

None of the NLB characters are one-sided, that's the sheer beauty of it all...no one is really exactly what they seem, or what they portray. People are multi-dimensional. Some of us look the part, talk the talk, have 'things' to show for all of our hard work...but who are you really and are you happy with that person? Is there a reason for the characters chosen? In some way, I had hoped that in creating these characters (the angry black woman, the promiscuous black woman, the bougie black woman, the bible-tapping not thumping black woman, the jealous black woman) who are bits and pieces of me and people that I love, have loved and will always love, there would be a connection...a spark and that maybe not one person but many people would be changed. If you saw yourself in her and saw her transformation...could there be a seedling of difference, lodged somewhere amongst the day to day hubbub, to be watered and fertilized with growth and wisdom? Is that a possibility from mere words? There has to be more than this...

There is always a deeper meaning.

Words.

They always mean so much more to me.

You make me wanna...

But alas, I am here because you are here and really, Libra's are loyal individuals who you may not be able to see and talk to on a daily basis...but we are certainly there when you need us.

This novel is a love story about my Sisters and our responsibility as Women and Mothers because I care deeply for my nieces...

I give you the Women of The Purple Cipher:

Veronika Vicchers - Fiery. Passionate. Aries. Had the three of them, Veronika and her twin daughters, been destined for any being other than Homo Erectus, indeed it would have been Carcharias Taurus (Sand Tiger Shark). The parallel between the two was “BANANAS!”as only Chelsea-Blue could emphasize. Veronika, a sharp toothed mammal in and of herself, was destined to give birth to only the two of them. It would have been pure luck for the Chloe-Chelsea combination to have each grown in separate uteri, devouring all other embryos for survival. Sharing the same uterus, Chloe would have hungrily consumed Chelsea without a second glance.

Maxine Cipher - Stoic. Irreversible. Loyal. Gemini. So many nights she desperately wanted to tell him the truth scraping at the dirtiness she felt for allowing this ruinous situation to happen, but the truth would not form. Only pain and anger were left to fill the void of her hollowed heart. There was too much at stake then and now it was water under the bridge. It didn’t even seem as major 18 long lonely years later. But she knew when she walked through the door to Xavier’s home that afternoon that she would take her lie to her grave. “Good night Xa, call me.” She rose, forgetting the past, kissing his cheek with hers, and sauntered toward the front door.

Xavier watched each inch of every step she took, never once did she turn to steal a glance. Maxine Cipher never looked back.

Candace Pepper - Wife. Mother. Victim-extraordinaire. Crabby Cancer. Tall. Light. Bitter. Candace was the color of a large decaffeinated coffee, four dollops of heavy cream, no sugar, left overnight with mold centering its cold middle reaching to grasp the edges of a weakened paper container, discarded by morning. Otherwise warmed and then as a second thought, discarded.

Alexaandra Payne - Beautiful. Earthy. Full-figured Aquarius. If quiet acknowledgement could simply speak for itself Alexaandra would be quite satisfied and not hard pressed to find comfort disappearing into the heavy drapes that kept the bitter cold air from seeping in. Or out.

Max grinned at Alex’s apparent surprise at praise of any sort. Since they were kids Alex, to Candace's chagrin, had always been Maxine’s chosen Spade-playing partner in their weekly rivalry. “See that’s why I grab Alexaandra from the ‘getty-up’, she always has my back and never expects a ‘thank you’!” Maxine would tease.

Samantha Quinlan - Eternal. Heartfelt. Soap-box standing Virgo. “I know you slept with Meiko, Veronika. Why don’t you just admit it?” Samantha demanded weeks after the whirlwind break-up. “Listen Samantha, I am going to tell your black ass for the last time...” Veronika was sick of the back and forth bantering surrounding Mr. Man, “I no more fucked Helmet Head than you have in recent weeks.”

“Well then how do you know his penis is shaped like a helmet?” Sam cornered. “Because you told me! What is your problem, Samantha?” Veronika was tired of the accusations and had a mind to tell her the whole sordid truth. It would certainly have been sordid to Samantha Quinlan and her boring life. “The fact that it fell apart for the two of you is neither my fucking fault nor yours! He is a dog don’t you get that? I know this cause I have the same traits. And you are not the bone he’s chewing on right now. You are one of the bones he’s buried to possibly come back for later. And that has NOTHING to do with me, or you, for that matter. It’s about him.” Veronika did not sleep with him, although after all the accusations, she could have, maybe even should have.

Of these women, which one are you?

Really...

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or –un, this is…my Life ;-)~
Aisis

Attraversiamo – Let Us Cross Over Together

I end things quickly, when in fact, I am ending them.

Of their own accord or whether forced out of necessity, people leave. People leave and people take away their love and really, what can you do? You can begin a new chapter. Nothing more nothing less.

Attraversiamo …

I enjoyed, pondered, learned. Apparently though, my fair-weather blogging book clubbers, it was not your forte, reading Eat, Pray, Love…. Sad. But true. So, I am ending this line of clubbin'. Just like that.

BooOooOOooM!

It is what I do. Ask about me.

A lot has happened this September. I have broken many hearts in my heyday and sadly my heart has been broken into a thousand tiny little pieces (isn’t that a book?), as well. Among so many many things my sissy Shakira had not been fairing very well but as always there became a brighter day ;-):

…before that, there were darker days but I am not over that just yet…?

I am presently trying to understand the how’s and the why’s of yesterday, yesteryear. And the empty promises of the world we live in. I need to learn, NOT to believe the world is really all that awesome, don’t I? Or is it TO believe? Uugghh!

Growth.

It is certainly a process. Even at 40 it is a process. Yikes @ 40, right? But I am LOVING it! The only difference for me, personally, with before 40 and “at” is that I could care less what someone else thinks or says of my particular growth spurt. People have made interesting comments on this blog. People that I would never expect to have made such comments. People that are unaware that being the owner of said blog, anonymous tags mean nothing... Long story though, maybe we will have time, some other time to talk about it, because I never cared what people thought, but I was bothered by what people said.

Attraversiamo …

I am ready to begin again and what better way to begin than with my very own Never Look Back? So that is where we shall start the next book clubbing blog, yes? Again, we will do this on Wednesdays, just a few questions and or comments about a few chapters at a time or if this book reads faster than the other one maybe we’ll talk more about people and themes…and the people of The Purple Cipher have enough issues to keep us all laughing for at least the work day…




For all intents and purposes, fortunate or –un, this is…my Life ;-)~
Aisis

The Last TRUE BLOOD of the SEASON!!!

Ok, Fang Bangers...are we ready for this? Who is going to meet their true death? OMG...

Eric?

The Krazy Kaaaaaang of Mississippi?

Is anyone else just waiting for Sooooookay to stop whining?

What about Tara?

Will LaLa and Jesus keep it going?

So many questions so little of the season left...

And the Purpose is What Exactly?

So, there’s a Pastor (*Coughing* –not-a-man-of-God- *Coughing*), in Gainesville, Fl who has his religiously twisted heart hell bent on setting fire to 200 Holy Qurans to, (and get this, the irony is almost physically sickening): Commemorate the devastatingly painful memory and reality of lives lost on 9/11.

Trust that he did not so eloquently use the above words, but I did. I chose those words to show my own feeling for that day. It was single-handedly the most shocking piece of history I had ever been a part of…and undoubtedly NOT the last.

This Pastor, again with the coughing, is inciting violence. He spoke to his small following and the media, well of course the media, and I paraphrase, “Well they did this to us, so are we supposed to just turn the other cheek?!” Ahhh, I’m no Bible scholar, but I play one on T.V. and as far as my limited research goes, that answer would be a resounding, “Yes.”

Can the church say, “Amen?”

I know this verse, quite well I might add, but don't pat me on the back. At our Youth group at New Covenant Christian Center, we had to memorize a verse and say a different one every Wednesday evening. My 'go to' verse was always, "But I say to you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."

Now.

I am not trying to say I have followed that particular word to the letter, but I am also a writer not a Pastor whose very job it is to do such a thing. You could argue that as a PERSON in this world who loves the Almighty, I am no better or worse than this man. And I would say, "Why are you arguing with me, go make these points to him."

Thwarted.

I am looking for my own salvation, I am not ingraining lies into my followers.

So you plan to BURN the sacred writings of a group that takes the burning of their sacred writings as an invitation to bang the ones and you and your 50 followers all came to this place, in agreement? There is something so very wrong with this picture.

Shall we?

1. I have more than 50 followers, so his ministry clearly leaves something to the imagination.

2. Political figures have encouraged him to quell this nonsense to no avail.

3. He has no idea the fire he is about to spark (or does he? I am absolutely sure he is not only aware of this, but also bursting at the seams, with the very thought of it.)

4. Top military intelligence avidly explains that these actions will put the military in Iraq as well as Iraqi civilians in grave danger.

5. There is no purpose other than hatred.

6. This Pastor needs to seek Jesus, Allah, and Buddha. He has a triple threat sort of confusion that needs any and every angle to help in the battle.

7. Who does this sort of thing?

Seriously, if anyone needs to read Eat, Pray, Love…it is this person (liked that segue, didn’t you?).

At this point you should have read chapters 13 through 18. Her writing actually makes me laugh out loud!

Did you laugh like I did, from a secret knowing place at her LEVEL ONE or LEVEL TWO fiasco?

This whole section causes me such discombobulation with medications and depression, I just do not agree with it. What say you…in correlation with the book and/or otherwise?

Do you have a journal? I’m almost positive it isn’t at all like hers, as hers speaks back (which is NOT the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, thank you very much…), but is this where your encouragement comes from? If not, where does your encouragement come from in those really stressful times?

And...go!

FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, FORTUNATE OR –UN, THIS IS, MY LIFE…

Aisis

Il mio telefonino…

So, I was thinking the other day how very dependent we all are on our cell phones and how such a “convenient” little thing has become an object that is no longer a “sufficient” way to communicate but more so a "necessary" (this is what the LSAT does to a brain…) piece of equipment.

Whew!

That was a long sentence wadn’t it?

And so when I saw that little phrase in our Book O’ the Month(s) – you lazy readers – I thought, good grief, even a million miles across the globe, in a place where people take a two or three hour lunch, no less, where time has seemingly stood still and the patrons feel no compunction to disturb that stillness, therein lies a need for such a thing.

But I digress.

We are here (is there anyone else out there...?) here to discuss the next six sections of Eat, Pray, Love - that I so strangely continue to call Eat, Love, Pray...I wonder what that means about my psyche...

Having read the sections/chapters 7-12 at this point:

What do you think of this woman's journey into self-revelation, thus far?

Has your heart ever spoken for you the way her heart spoke for her when she saw the Guru in a photo? Meaning have you ever said something beautiful before you had time to think about it?

If you have not, perche'?

In Chapter 9 we begin to see her forming the ways of her declaration and explanation of travel. This led me to the next question - Where would you go, alone, only alone, to rediscover your lost self or to replenish the wonderfulness of who you already are?

And the last question is this: Do you remember the first time you ever spoke to God? The way she spoke was so distant, as if The Almighty was OUTSIDE of her, as if he didn't know her at all. Honestly, I have felt that maybe I'd lost touch for so long, that he didn't care to take me back, lol, but my Almighty is a powerful Almighty and I know that he always has my back!

Ok, let us begin...