A new hairdo will do you some good...

So, I am STRESSED out from learning Black Letter Law, questioning my existence and trying to find reasons for my many phobias (you know, that thing that yucky people eat in the morning for protein and heavy cholesterol levels that are incredible - gross - and edible - uhm, doubly disgusting - ...). It so grosses me to my core that I won't even say the word if I don't have to!

Anyways, while contemplating these things and trying to remember the Durham Insanity Test and the difference between an Accessory and an Accomplice, I decided that my life was all out of order and control: my hair hasn't been handled in a month of Sundays. So...now it's handled.

Awesome ;)~

I do, however, need a regular hair dresser...any suggestions?




For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~.

It's 4:23am and I am still awake...

What on earth is my problem...?

Well since I am here and you, you are apparently here as well, we might as well enjoy a few of my favorite photos...shall we?

This is as close to Goth as I was willing to get in 2010, lol. I kinda think I made it work. The make-up is a little dark but eh...iiwii (it is what it is).

Just silly. Everyone else in this photo was serious and smiling sweetly, at a completely different camera. I, however, was blissfully unaware that anyone other than my very own self was even in the room. This is Ingrid's wedding and she is sitting right next to me, but this was my moment; I'm sure she agrees. Lol. Hippies are always throwing up the Peace sign. Whatever happened to Love? All we ever really need is Love, yes?


I have never been this hot in my E-N-T-I-R-E life. True Story. And not hot in a gorgeous-I'm-so-sexy-I-can't-breathe-my-own-air kind of way. I literally could not breathe my own air. It was like 1000 degrees...ok, Im over-doing it a bit but it WAS about 117 degrees IN THE SHADE. Being cute was clearly not an option, as you can see the hair was going W-A-Y up into a ponytail.

I'm actually laughing and smiling. Unbelievable. This never happens. That day was a really great day.

Kind of mischievous.

Ok, now this one I'm kind of on the fence with, it is a CLOOOOOOOOSE up, but it's kind of nice. My eyes look ridiculously huge and I look totally serious. I am very rarely ever totally serious. Also, my hair has a few odd colors running through it. Today it's just pretty much greying, but sexily so...so to speak.

Ok, goodnight people...but not goodbye...I Never Can Say Goodbye, really. Would you even want me to?

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~

People are interesting...aren't they?

So, I checked my page views and so far this month, there have been four; I'm fairly certain that three are mine. Yes, facetiousness runs in my family, but really...sometimes I have to ask myself "What's the point?"

Point 1: I like to write.
Point 2: I am famous in my own mind.
Point 3: It gives me something to cause the people that claim to love me, to stutter, when I ask...
Point 4: I've taken a few good photos that I like to share before I get old and crumply.
Point 5: I'm getting old and crumply.
Point 6: It's quiet in here and I can study.
Point 7: I like to write.

It doesn't matter if anyone reads, writing is what I do. Unlike some, if one or one million show up, I'll still be here.

See, the thing is, I am not consistent and as such, I am unbothered if others are inconsistent as well. Until of course, I'm not.

Eh...iiwii.


Wish me luck on my Civil Procedure Final!






For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~

Thousands Converge to 'Take Back' Capitol

THOUSANDS CONVERGE TO TAKE BACK CAPITOL

THAT'S WHAT THE HEADLINE READ ON WWW.MSNBC.COM, WHEN ANGEL'S PHOTO WAS TAKEN IN WASHINGTON, D.C, THIS AFTERNOON, DURING THE OCCUPY DC MOVEMENT.

LEADING HIS FUTURE.

THIS IS MY SON; WITNESS HISTORY.




For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~

Imagine...

Ok, so this should really read: "I asked God..." and not "I told God..." but from my understanding it is supposed to be a younger person expressing something painful. It's this "Goth" kind of momentum that I would have sooooooooo been smack dab in the middle of, were it not for time / space continuum...

Time.

And.

Space.

If only I could go back...

But, I digress, I would have been heavily into the whole Goth scene, if for nothing other than the fashion.

Shallow as it may seem...it is always about the fashion.

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~

I CREATED THE MONSTER

Just sayn...I may have my moments but some things I have done, quite awesomely ;)...

http://www.reverbnation.com/kthao

http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/fb_share/kthao

BLACK GIRLS ROCK

LEGGGGGGGGGGO!!!!!!!

OMGOSH TARAJI AND JILLY FROM PHILLY!!!

Someone Like You - Adele

I absolutely love this song and the artist. Adele is the BUSINESS ;-). I just saw her on the cover of Cosmopolitan, I think. If not, it's one of the mags that I never look to purchase. I stick with Essence, Elle, and InStyle.

Adele's lost a serious amount of weight which I think is unnecessary unless she had health concerns. The world is a very very shallow place. And really the focus should have been on her talent as a singer/song writer and not her weight or sexual appeal to the masses. Honestly.

I am not, in any way, professing that I would prefer to be overweight or that it appeals to me personally. Her sex appeal is not what I look to her for, it's her talent. If you are overweight because this is what you prefer, then you should remain this way. If you are a glutton, you need to work on that. If you happen to carry weight this way because this is who you are...so be it.

Sometimes, weight loss is in excess, Jennifer Hudson and Star Jones both of whom I love and respect, went a bit too far, in my humble opinion. Some weight would have been not only necessary but warranted, too much weight, like too much of anything, is just not good.

You must live inside your own life, not the masses. Ok, enough, ministering/preaching the good/bad word depending on your side of the fence.

Anyway, enjoy.

I've got to get back to Civil Procedure ;'-(.




For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my LIFE ;-)~

Happy Birthday, to Me :-)~

41 years ago at 12:00 a.m. a star was born...too bad it took me 41 years to realize that not all stars shine brightly from without...but some, despite the darkness, the dimness inside, do shine within.

And I
Am one
Of
Them.

Today, right now, in this place: I am happy.

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life. :-)~

Update: Troy Davis was Executed--Only God can judge him now

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

But what then is capital punishment but the most premeditated of murders, to which no criminal's deed, however calculated it may be, can be compared? For there to be equivalence, the death penalty would have to punish a criminal who had warned his victim of the date at which he would inflict a horrible death on him and who, from that moment onward, had confined him at his mercy for months. Such a monster is not encountered in private life. -Albert Camus, writer, philosopher, Nobel laureate (1913-1960)

This is for TROY DAVIS--I can only pray for clemency and only by the Grace of the Almighty will his life, yet be spared. If it is HIS will. If not, Troy, let your eyes rest upon HIS glory. I don't know your path, past or destiny. What I do know is that only the Higher Power has the right to take a life.

Premeditated at the utmost technical textbook level.

Blessings.

UPDATE: Troy Davis has received a dated stay of execution. Thank HIM.

By COLLEEN CURRY
23 minutes ago

Troy Davis' execution was delayed tonight as the Supreme Court weighed arguments by Davis' legal team and the state of Georgia over whether he deserves a stay.

At 7:05 p.m., five minutes after his scheduled death, Davis' supporters erupted in cheers, hugs and tears outside the jail in Jackson, Ga., as supporters believed Davis had been saved from the death penalty. But Davis was granted only a temporary reprieve as the Supreme Court considers the decision.

The warrant for Davis' execution is valid until Sept. 28. The Georgia Resource Center, part of Davis' legal defense team, said it was unsure how long the delay would last.

Davis was convicted of the 1989 murder of Savannah, Ga., policeman Mark MacPhail, and had his execution stayed four times over the course of his 22 years on death row, but multiple legal appeals during that time failed to prove his innocence.

Public support grew for Davis based on the recanted testimony of seven witnesses from his trial and the possible confession of another suspect, which his defense team claimed cast too much doubt on Davis' guilt to follow through with an execution.

Several witnesses recanted their testimony that Davis fired the shot that killed MacPhail. His impending execution has brought those efforts to a head.

Troy Davis Backers in Frantic Last Minute Efforts to Stop Execution

A growing tide of celebrities, politicians, and social media users called for the execution to be delayed because of "too much doubt" present in his case.

At a protest in front of the White House today at least 12 Howard University students were arrested for failing to move off the White House sidewalk, according to ABC News affiliate WJLA. The protest there was expected to last until 7 p.m.

A flurry of messages on Twitter using the hashtags #TroyDavis and #TooMuchDoubt showed thousands of supporters of Davis were intent on flooding the Jackson Distirct Attorney's Office, Georgia Judge Penny Freezeman's office, and the U.S. Attorney General's Office with phone calls and emails to beg for a stay on the execution.

Some users accused Twitter of blocking the topic from trending on Tuesday, though a representative from Twitter told ABC News there was no such action taken. The hashtags were trending today in cities around the U.S. as well as Germany, the U.K., Sweden, and France. Many tweets called the case a symbol of a return to Jim Crow laws and racial inequalities in the justice system.

Big Boi, a member of the group Outkast, tweeted to his followers to go to the Georgia state prison in Jackson to protest the decision. The Roots' Questlove tweeted a similar message.

The NAACP and the Revs. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson held a news conference today calling for the execution to be halted.

Amnesty International, which has been fighting on behalf of Davis, encouraged supporters to attend a vigil at the church across the street from the prison at 5:30 p.m. and a protest at 6 p.m., and asked participants to wear a black armband and write on it, "Not in my name!"

Wendy Gozen Brown, a spokeswoman for Amnesty International, said that Troy Davis would want the protests to remain peaceful.

"In this type of situation, there's always the potential for it to go awry, with certain groups, angry rhetoric," Brown said. "But Troy Davis would want people to keep fighting peacefully, for him and for, as he would put it, all of the other Troy Davises out there."

Others who have voiced support for Davis include former President Jimmy Carter, the pope and a former FBI director.

Davis's execution has been stayed four times for appeals since his conviction in 1989, and the Supreme Court gave him a rare chance to prove his innocence last year, but rejected his plea.

A Georgia board of pardons and paroles rejected Davis's plea for clemency on Tuesday.



For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life.

My New Old-ish Favorite Song

Sometimes I Cry Lyrics
Eric Benet


Verse 1-
Two years since you walked away from me
Since all of our scattered dreams
Were just thrown away
I'm finally gettin back to what I used to be
Share my pain with my family
Think I'm on my way

I can sleep at night,
I don't reach for you when I wake up
But it's taken some time
I can live my life
Without praying that we could make up
I'm movin on, I'm feeling strong inside

-Chorus 1-
But sometimes I cry, babe
When I'm all alone
With this heart of mine
Sometimes I cry, babe
Although you've been gone
For a long, long time

-Verse 2-
Heard you're moving in with someone new
I hope all your dreams come true
And you'll both be happy, yeah
Been long enough for me to take a look around
I've met a girl, we've been hangin out
She's been good for me

But when we're makin love
She don't take me there like you used to
And it hurts when I lie (when I lie baby)
Help me understand how to push you out,
Forget you and let you go,
Cuz Lord knows I've tried, yeah

-Chorus 2-
But sometimes I cry, babe
Been at all that hurtin
For a long, long time (yes, I have babe)
Sometimes I cry, babe
Ain't nothin workin
For this pain of mine

-Bridge-
I'll just have to fake it
Until I can make it
There's a smile on my face, yeah
But I'm broken inside

Happy Birthday to all of the Virgo Persuasion

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). People seem overly comfortable sharing their opinions with you. You probably prefer that they keep their ideas to themselves, especially the ones that have to do with how you should live your life.

Ok, for such a small writing, I have had the most difficult editing! Lol...A Virgo will have you doing back flips, right? And someeeeeeehow, u start to believe the back-flipping was all your idea!

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~

Ledisi - Pieces of Me

I love this song!

Verse 1:
People just don't know what I'm about...
They haven't seen what's there behind my smile...
There's so much more of me I'm showin out...
(These are the pieces of me)

When it looks like I'm up... sometimes I'm down
I'm alone even when people all around,
but that don't change the happiness I found...
(These are the pieces of me)

Chorus:
So when you look at my face...
You gotta know that I'm made of everything love and pain.
(These are the pieces of me)

Like every woman I know...
I'm complicated fo sho...
But when I love I love til there's no love no mo.
(These are the pieces of me)

Verse 2:
So many colors...
(I make up the woman that you see)
A good friend and lover
(Anything you want Yes I can be)
I can run the business and make time for fantasy
(These are the pieces of me)

Now I'm gonna make mistakes from time to time...
But in the end believe that I'm gone fly.
No matter if I'm wrong or if I'm right.
(These are the pieces of me)

Repeat Chorus

Ohhhh As the pieces of me start to unfold...
Now I start to understand....
All that I am..
A woman Not afraid to be strong STRONG...

Repeat Chorus

I'm a woman... A woman.. a woman woman woman.
Yes I'm a woman a woman..
these are the pieces of me... Yeaahhhh

Silence=Death

DNFTT

I write because it heals
I write because it helps

It makes me whole
Again
It makes me feel
Like I can move on

And I will not.
Ever.
Silence.
Myself.

Allowing the pain to fester
Within
When the hurt is without
Feeling
Is.
Not.
An.
Option.

I am a writer.
I write.
I am a healer.
I heal.
I am a lover.
I love.

Me.
As well.

Your interpretation
Does not equal my imagination
Definitions
Expectations

If you break my heart
I will write
If you mend my soul
I will write
If I want to die
Because it hurts to live
My life
I will write.

And then I can move on
I can heal and feel whole
Again

And I will not.
Silence.
Myself.

Ever.



(DNFTT - Do not feed the trolls. A troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. No one in my circle would make such comments.)



For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is My Life.

Let the Circle Remain Broken

I thought I understood

Thought at 40

I was ok with it all

Could handle any and everything

I knew so much

Then I didn't know anything

at all

Now I just don't want to know this

And I never will.

Failure.

I failed on a major level

At the most important task

Of my entire life

I failed

With flying rainbow-blinding colors

And it wasn't even

Of my own demise.

Destruction and

Devastation

Rumbled through like a fucking

Hurricane

Katrina.

In just a few short days

It selfishly drowned through suffrage and toxic waste

Victimizing lives in irreversible ways

And without warning.

My apodictic speech caused glazed over eyes;

Oxymoronic circling.

Because I knew.

And you knew, too...

Didnt you

Life's a jealous bitch, I told you, right or wrong, you'd have to choose. It continues, this journey called Life, competing for my own soul, my own will, my giving in and my giving up.

Today proved which of us the winner would be.

And it wasn't me.

May we all rest in peace.

TB Let's Go!

TB Let's Go!

Last time....

Tara/Toni - So what was that whole "things coming atcha" when Tara showed up at Sookie's?

Bill Compton is the KANG of the ‘Sip? Wtfranklin?

Sooooo, this is how it all began…how do we feel that Bill killed the Queen? Was he doing this for his own selfish reason or was it for Sookie, if it was for Sook, WHY THE HAIL doesn’t he ever just get on with it and TELL her what the deal is? UGHHHH!

Sookie & Eric - Ok, how much do we LOVE that Eric bought the damn house?

OmGodrick!

Eric and the witches!! He does not remember anything!

Sam & the Horse chick & his brother: she runs away from and then goes for Sam! What have we seen her in??!! Where do we know her from!? She was Papi on The L Word! Shud sam give tommy another chance

Lafayette (LOVE HIM) & Jesus: Po’ lil tink tink (heehee@Katt Williams) he done mesed around and angered Eric one too many times. Mad jesus got him in this mess. Wth?

Terry, Arlene and her devil spawn - After hearing Sook say he’s an old soul Arlene flips her wig…”He’s new, he is brand fawking new!! “(Lol)..”I love that baby, I love that baby with all my heart!”

Ok, Andy Bellefleur is buffed and all hooked on V!

Jason and the Panther chick…

Jessica and Hoyt. Lets keep in mind that Jess is only 17 and a virgin every single time, she goes there. Wow, I would just not.

Pam's was the best line all night HE PULLS GOOD STRING…daggone what does that even mean???

....Today is not a good day

Have you ever just needed...?

Sometimes, not all, but some times...

What is the point?

The best way to get it done is to just

Get it done.

I remember complete independence, didn't know what it was like to depend

And then I did

And now I don't.

Some days are better than others.

Too much time on my tiny little hands.

Too many words in my chest, like daggers to my brain

Migraine.

Can't afford for my life

To rain on anyone else's parade.

This is not a plea

I'm just being me

Letting the chips fall where they may.

(Listening to this song always makes me feel better...)

Marvin Winans ~ You Just Don't Want to Know

I hurt so many nights. Cried so many hours. Trying to make it right. Just didn't have the power. You ignored all of my tears. In hopes they'd disappear. I tried to let it show.

But I guess... you just don't wanna know

I came to you in love. I came to you in earnest. Could you possibly explain? Why the flames, why the furnace? Just needing to get it clear. I was hoping you would hear. I tried to let it go.

Lyrics provided by http://www.kovideo.net/

Source - http://www.kovideo.net/just-dont-wanna-know-lyrics-marvin-winans-518052.html

But I guess... you just don't wanna know.

Now it's true that God is always there, He said He'd never leave. But at times a human touch is what I need. And if I had a dime for every time I tried to call your name, Some tell me, I'd be wealthy.

But I learned that I could cope. I discovered I could make it. In nights so long and cold. So cold, you don't know how cold. I learned that I could take it. Now I wouldn't change a thing. Not for the knowledge, not for the knowledge that I've gained.

I learned that I could grow. I really did, I tried to let it show. I did. I tried to let it go.

But I guess... you just don't wanna know

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~

Student splits 40K in winnings among runners-up

This story made my heart swell and my eyes water. Every once in a while, so much light shines through the darkness...

-------------------------------------

July 5, 2011

Student splits 40K in winnings among runners-up

RivalsHigh

FOLLOW RIVALSHIGH: Follow us on Twitter | Friend us on Facebook

The event - a foul-shooting contest for top academic students at Compton High School in Los Angeles - was created with a simple premise: Organizers wanted to show the kids at Compton how to create community spirit with college scholarship money as the incentive.

Allen Geui won in front of a packed house.

Following a tear-jerking gesture from the winner - it appears the true lessons learned were by the adults.

The kids in Compton are more than alright.

Three months after winning the $40,000 top prize, Allan Guei donated all of his winnings to the seven other finalists.

Guei, a star player on the basketball team who is headed to Cal-State Northridge on a full scholarship, said he felt the others could use the college cash more than he could. He wanted to give his classmates a chance to make their academic dreams come true, too.

"I've already been blessed so much and I know we're living with a bad economy, so I know this money can really help my classmates," he said in a release from the school. "It was the right decision."

One that stunned Court Crandall, the man behind the event.

"What he has done is exceptional, just like Allan," he said. "Like any young people, whether it's my kids or someone else's, you hope they are given opportunities to show what they can do. These Compton High grads have a lot of talent. They have a lot of drive, and I wish them all the best."

Crandall, a partner at the Southern California advertising firm WDCW and a hollywood screenwriter whose credits include "Old School," came up with the idea after watching his 16-year-old son play on a basketball team with some Compton students.

Crandall felt foul shooting was something that could unite a community regardless of racial divide. He felt doing it in Compton - a community battling an image problem - could help change those attitudes, too.

"I thought the free throw is a good metaphor in a world where there's a bunch of lines that are kind of dividing us," Crandall said afterward. "The focus became, how do we show the world another side of Compton, that's more positive, beyond the stereotypical guns and crime stuff."

The only requirement for the contest is that the students must have a GPA of 3.0 and above. After receiving nearly 100 applicants, eight contestants were chosen at random. The contest was held in March.

"My hope was that what started as a competition would become a collaboration with the kids supporting each other," Crandall told the L.A. Times. "They did, but in the end they did that to a much greater extent than I ever could have anticipated."

The students were filmed throughout the ordeal as part of a documentary that is scheduled to be released this fall.

One of the final scenes figures to be Compton principal Jesse Jones making the surprise announcement at the school's graduation in June.

"Allan is a great basketball player, but he is a better citizen than a basketball player," Jones said. "It's truly a blessing."

Even though Guei was a basketball star, Crandall allowed him to enter the contest to reward him for his academic efforts.

Guei would have been allowed to keep the money under NCAA rules. The other finalists, who will receive roughly $5,500, are thankful that he will not.

Donald Dotson, who also plans to attend Cal-State Northridge, said Guei is "a very deep, intelligent, and warm person."

Dotson figures his gesture will pay forward.

"He's going to go really far in life," he said. "Because of what he's done for us, God will bless him. That's what life is all about; stepping forward to help other people."

The irony in this story: Compton's boys basketball team advanced to the Southern Section Division 2AA title game last winter before losing . The team was done in by poor foul shooting.

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~. Aisis

Season 4 True Blood HBO Sundays @9pm, Let's go!

TrueBlood Blogging here I come!

Today I want to say choose me
Pick me
Please
To my father and
To the man I called daddy

Today I want to be ok with
This cry
I don't want to feel numb
Empty
I want them both to feel me
Because only one saw me

Today I want to thank both
The one that wouldn't be
And
The one that didn't have to be
But did

Today I want to be just a little
Angry
At the mothers who made selfish decisions
Thinking only of their needs
Never chess-game strategizing
What a little she might need or he
The little one's, that little tiny me...

But only just for a while
Because when he chose the drink
Over me
Her beautiful mahogany was all I could see
I was her mini-me
And above and beyond
Rena loved
And
she never left me

Growing up without you, Tommie
Hurt me more than you'll ever know
I looked for you in so many souls
Wishing so desperately
If I prayed hard enough
Maybe you would appear magically
And you would know
Me

So I'd close my eyes and I'd fall fast asleep
But you had your own demons to defeat
I had my own missing pieces to bear
But when I'd wake up Leo would be there
In his quiet reverie and introverted space
Without hesitation
He upheld your position
Never ever trying to replace
He had daughters of his own
But he never showed a difference
Never caused us to run a race

Some ppl have none; I had two.
One that gave me Life and one that showed me Love.

Choose me.

Pick me.

LoveU4Life...Aisis

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~

Politically Correct

Finals are over and I feel lost, really, without my nightly 50 or so pages of reading ever burning Black Letter Law…Black Letter Law to the neurons, to keep me nice and crazy…focused, I meant focused.

Focus.

My read-o-meter is on overload. Seriously. I have read five books since May 19th, change of pace badly warranted so last night I caught up on the news around the world. While reading articles at two of my usual spots: The Root (www.theroot.com) and The Huffington Post (www.thehuffingtonpost.com) I came across this clip of an upcoming documentary called Dark Girls directed by Bill Duke and D. Channsin Berry. After seeing the women in the film, I was angry. After seeing that tiny little girl and her assessment, however, my heart broke into a million tiny little pieces. Witnessing not only what she has seen and heard in just a tiny little finger point but also, and most importantly, what she sees when she looks in the mirror.

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

Now you understand.

But wait: there’s more.

So, I continued perusing for more info on the documentary and then I came upon another heat-seeking target over at Jezebel (www.jezebel.com): Satoshi Kanazawa. This professor, who according to both sources above, has been unanimously ousted from his position at The London School of Economics, wrote a blog for Psychology Today’s site titled: Why Are Black Women Rated Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?

Are you kidding me right now?

Help me, Baby Jesus.

Clearly, I was done…do you know ‘done’ when I say done? I was so done and admittedly, incredibly angry. Angry for the little girl in the video, angry for so many of our daughters that do not deserve this sort of reality: the reality that the world is completely misguided, and angry at mothers. Yes, mothers. Sisters - WE need to do better. Please don’t give me the It’s-her-absent-father nonsense because I have a two-part series for you 1) you chose him, 2) you are there. YOU. ARE. THERE.

Stop with the excuses. I was a single mother for a long time. There are no excuses.

I said it. Now what? Prove me wrong if you disagree. Who else is there to tell our babies that they are enough? ENOUGH! We would all like to be more than, you can work on that…but honestly, these little girls do not even have a running start. MY GOD. GIVE THEM A RUNNING START.

I went to sleep and did not sleep well, disturbed by both the video and the article. I was not ok…and then I remembered something:

Jazz is a many-faceted, many-talented, stunning pre-med student beautifully beginning her sophomore year at the college of her choice in the Fall. Jazzmyn is my daughter. She is MY daughter and I love her more than any word, phrase, comment or calling could ever express. She was my only way to right the wrongs that I chose. Being practically perfect in every way, I could not ask for a more honest, caring, respectful tiny little militant mini-me (even though she towers over me). Do I agree with every decision she has made? Well of course not, she is a mini-me, she is not a ‘literal’ me and really…who am I to judge? I made perfect choices.

Sarcasm.

My Jazzi-Phae is an interesting sort. For one, she never really sleeps, never did. Most people require sleep, Jazzmyn does not. Every once in a while because she is bored she will crash. Even as a baby, she hardly ever slept…but she didn’t cry. I’d go into her room at 1am to make sure everyone was breathing (am I the only one {O_o} doing that?) and she’d be wide-awake, thinking, I suppose. Never missing a beat, Ms. Howell sees absolutely everything with or without her glasses, lol. Keeping information close to her vest until just the perfect moment is a gift that she handles as if she is light years beyond the 19 she has enjoyed thus far. Having a quiet, unassuming nature, you would likely never hear her in a crowd: you would feel her presence. Honestly, she is that chick. Mini-me, indeed ;-)~.

When Roxanne (inside joke) started speaking, she reserved her tiny little voice for intimate conversations with her big brother Angel. No one made better sandwiches than he did, according to her, no one had the answer that he did, no one could soothe her tiny little tribulations the way he could. No one other than her father who to this very day, in her eyes, can do no wrong. And as crazy as that may seem to some of you, I am thankful for that part of who she is: protected, loved. When she looks in the mirror, she sees not just Jazzi-Girl, The “J” in J.A.C. City, The Pretty Girl with the Puff, or Jazzmyn Howell, she sees and hears the love from the people who would not only die for her but LIVE for her daily. Daily.

The Clark Doll test.

When that pretty little girl who had no hair at all until she was three years old, lol, was somewhere around five or six years old I exposed her to the Clark Doll test (it’s the same general test the little girl in the video was exposed to only it was with dolls. Mamie Clark was writing her dissertation in 1939 and developed this test). But let me give a bit of background.

I took Child Psychology when Angel was about five years old and couldn’t wait until he was old enough for me to see where his views stood on the subject. Because he was my ‘test’ child I tested lots of parenting skills on him – oh shut it! All firstborn kids are the test pilots. I was one and I know quite a few more. We had it a little harder, but we are also a little better because of it…yes? Anyway, The conversation went something like this (for those of you that know Mr. Howell, this will be a testament to the fact that he has always been opinionated!):

Me: Angel would you bring me two of Jazzi’s dolls, please?

Him: Ma, she doesn’t play with any of them. Maybe we should throw them away.

Me: Um, not the point. Bring me one white doll and one black.

Him (climbing off the chair he was preparing to jump from): She doesn’t even like dolls.

Me: Excuse me?

Him: Huh?

Me: If you can ‘huh’ you can hear me…*serious tone

Him: …huh?

Me: Dolls.

So in he brings two pristine Barbie dolls, same clothes, same hair. The only difference in the dolls was their color.

Me: Angel, which one is prettier?

Him: Which one is which thing O.o?

Please keep in mind that I KNOW he heard and understood the question, lol. This was a five-year old deflection and I was not having it.

Me (trying to hold in my laugh, failing miserably): Ok, fine. Which one do you think is smarter?

Him: Um…they are both dumb heads because they are girls!!!

Awesome. I was raising a sexist.

Ok, that was a seriously sexist comment, right? I was not trippin'. So we had that talk. Yes, I let it rest after I was sure this was little boy angst and not some weird issue. Again, we all know Mr. Ova Dose and his Mental Enlightenment. Clearly that was a momentary bout of psychosis. Anyway, being of the Cosby Show generation, when teaching a lesson, we take it to the head. Wait. That’s being of the ‘hood. Let me take another approach.

When an opportunity presents itself, give life lessons swiftly and firmly, in real time and as close to real-world as possible hoping to eradicate the behavior or at least plant a seed of understanding, immediately if not sooner. I asked him how much he loved me and he looked at me like I had 3 heads sprouting out of my shoulders. This look of astonishment said: There is NO greater love. I explained to him that at his age, girls are usually more emotional and therefore more loving, seemingly. So maybe he doesn’t love me as much as maybe, Jazz will love me when she is his age. I know my son and I know his determination, otherwise I would have chosen a different form of expressing my view. He knew exactly where I was going. The fruit does not fall far from the tree (Angel says, "Unless that tree is on a hill." Noted.)

Him: Am I rude?

Me: No, you were behaving like a 5 year old. YOU are never rude. Behavior may be rude, behavior may be unacceptable, but you…? Never. And besides, I don't love rude behavior. And you know who loves you more than anything else in this world?

Him: ME!

True story. And I’m not mad at that. But there’s more.

Flash Forward 5-6 years and something triggers The Clark Doll test in my mind. Jazz and I were playing with a Barbie doll head, the kind that has a head and shoulders only - with an enormous amount of hair. Ok, let me just be completely forthcoming here. I had one Barbie doll head and Jazz had the other. Literally. I bought 2. Lol. One for her and one for me. And still neither one of us has any more of clue when it comes to working on our own coifs. At any rate, having grabbed a few of her Barbie Dolls (over the years we developed a bit of a collection of cultures. There were Swedish ones (Thanks Anna-Lena Mcgrath), Hispanic ones (who other than Ingrid?) and of course a myriad brown of every hue available. I decided this was as good a time as any for a mothering litmus test as this gorgeous kid has always had a very healthy relationship with color and race. She, like her mother, is neither light nor dark. No one has ever overlooked either of us because of our color and if they have, neither of us would notice nor take it as a slight. That would simply have been their loss. Yeah, Jazzmyn is that chick.

Must be born this way.

Anyway.

Did I mention that although my mother is somewhat delusional she is and has always been the most beautiful woman I have seen in my entire life? My mother is dark, a rich beautiful sable and at 62 does not have even one wrinkle. And trust me if she did, she would rock that wrinkle like no other. I am thankful that she believed in her beauty, passed that on to my sister and I, and continues the tradition with her grand daughters - my daughter who she calls Slim and my niece Black Beauty III. Because of her all of the women, men, girls, and boys that came to this dimension through her have always felt like the world should stop at our feet. She did her job. Very Well.

Yeah Ms. Rena, is that chick.

We all have it quite honestly.

So back to little Miss Howell and the case of the Black & Swedish Barbie’s…

Sitting squaw-like on the living room floor, Jazzmyn had one hand glued to her face like a snorkel, thumb pressed absentmindedly against the back of her two front teeth, the free hand combing the curls out of Barbie’s hair after our wash and carefully placed roller set. To dry their hair, we sat Barbie in the sun on the back porch or in the window. We also wrapped her hair at certain times, but the finished product was not nearly as fun to play with.

Me: Jazzi-Phae-baby-girl…which Barbie is prettier?

Her (without more than a glance): The one that looks like you.

Me: Which one do you think is smarter?

Her (somewhat annoyed with the line of questioning): Mummy, they can’t talk. How would I know which one is smarter?

What did I tell you about Jazz, my Black Princess? What do you think she sees when she looks in the mirror?

I’m still saddened at the plight of so many little black girls not knowing their worth, but because of my personal Peace of Paradise, I have HOPE.

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life :-)~.

Marriage Proposal

GiGi Polanco

Gigi showing off how to do her Mohawk!

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Gigi's New Pixie Cut Project

My President Is Hilarious!

YOU MUST WATCH THIS VIDEO! LOL

President Barack Obama handled this News Quite Respectfully.

This was written before our President Obama took office. Insert bin Laden's name in place of al-Zarqawi...it is amazing how history repeats itself and still we Americans do not learn.

"How could man rejoice in victory and delight in the slaughter of men?"

~Lao Tzu~

Two wrongs do not, in fact, make a right. Right? Attacking the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001 was an egregious wrong. The war on Iraq was also wrong and horrendously dishonest (in my humble opinion). So then, celebrating the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is, somehow, right? It is inhumane, disrespectful and deplorable behavior. I am utterly and completely embarrassed by the number of American people and their sheer enjoyment over the death of a human being. An unpardonable, sick and twisted human eradicated by Americans and as Americans we celebrate? I use the term we lightly, as lightly as humanely possible. Yes. Humanely. The deficiency of respect for any human life, whether it be one of “ours” or one of “theirs”, is just not right. I was horrified at the lack of respect for the lives of men, women and children during the 9/11 attacks, as were a number of vocally expressive Americans. A good number of those same folks (i.e. Jay Leno) made light of another violent death, joked to a laughing crowd of people about a dead man’s widow and celebrated the death of a man, an awful terrorist of a man, but a man nonetheless. It is inexcusable. The attack on the World Trade Center caused a soft spot in some and a sore spot in others. A soft spot aches from the attack but seeks to understand the crisis of terrorism; a sore spot burns rancid at the attack and takes pleasure in the revenge of such by displaying photos of a ravaged corpse and then detailing the specifics of its “timely” demise with delight and that is absolutely reprehensible.

But I have gotten ahead of myself. This essay, in my mind, began as an explanation of the invisible scarring that the September 11th attack left on my mind, my body and my spirit. Being reminded of Jeff Jacoby’s “The Images We See And Those We Don’t” his sentiments ring true with mine, “…I am sickened…” he expressed in the essay “…by those that think the defeat of the Bush administration is an end that justifies just about any means.” If other countries are in error of displaying such behavior, are we as Americans, the world’s so-called super power nation, not equally at fault? Who are the savages? Are we any better than the people that cheered at our twin towers being shattered? Were they not the savaged guerilla third world ignorant people? And that means that we are, collectively, for all intents and purposes…what exactly?

As an American I am angered at the frustrating extremist behavior of the terrorists. Disappointed at the reaction both political and general at the next steps taken without agreement and consensus of the people. Saddened by the thought that we will never forget the minute details of that day. Outraged at the government making self fulfilling prophetic decisions that affect the entire country and the deserved lack in confidence gained from the “people” in the aftermath of 9/11. Embarrassed, I am, by the pompous ignorance of our elected officials as well as the appointed leaders of this country. And lastly, but certainly not in the least, disgusted at the behavior of our military personnel.


Angered. Not unlike other very unpleasant thoughts, I cringe, still when able to muster enough strength to accept that there are people that claim a religious belief as the basis for bloodshed, any kind. I am not a religious person, however, I am a spiritual person. Believing in taking extreme measures as a means of expressing beliefs and in the fold of those beliefs a disregard for lives, actually lives, the math just does not add up. It is beneath my radar of understanding to disregard honor and respect for others for the sake of personal beliefs. I mean, isn’t that what religion encompasses? Honoring your God and others? I am hardened by the very notion that there are people in this world that take their very own personal issues and force feeds their belief, their wants, their needs onto others. These statements are true for the terrorists as well as the President of the United States. I will never forget his immature frat-boy temper tantrum when voicing his distaste for another awful individual. George W. Bush said in an infamous statement “This guy tried to kill my dad!” Clearly speaking on Saddam Hussein, even though this was at a high stakes time and Osama Bin Laden’s issues should have been on the table. Saddam and Osama seem to have been interchangeable at that time. That statement was made during the aftermath of 9/11 and as a building block to invading Iraq. The issues of 9/11 from my perspective, had less to do with Saddam and more to do with Osama and Al Queda, who in fact gets to be the decider on that?

Disappointed. Instead of gaining an understanding of the reasons behind terrorism, the American government does not take the opportunity to look at its faults. Arundhati Roy explains that, “Terrorism is the symptom, not the disease.” 911 showed us that we are not infallible. Even super powers can have their electricity turned off temporarily. The military went in search of the terrorists, at fault, instead of coming to any conclusions as to why we had been targeted in the first place. Go figure.

Saddened. Generation X (age range from approximately 30-41) has its “Where were you when…” like the generation before us, the Baby Boomers (approximate age range from 42-60). They, the Baby Boomers, have committed to memory the time, place, and actions leading up to the tragic assassination on John F. Kennedy. So to, the Generation X-ers, have burned to our collective hard drives, the massive destruction of lives, of security and of faith in the ability of the American government to protect it’s people on September 11, 2001. Nearly every American, black, white and each and every “other” in between, who can remember, will never forget.

Outraged. Still fuming at the photos of not only the prisoners held at the Abu Ghraib prison but also thoroughly ashamed at the behavior of the military men and women involved in the torturing of fellow homo sapiens; I am at a loss for coherent explanations. Beyond treating people with even the smallest amount of dignity, what could one person, not to mention an entire group of military personnel, possibly gain from the actions displayed in those photos? What was our reason for entering, bombing, blazing and destroying that country, again? Oh yes, 9/11. Retaliation. From the top down...way, way down. Globe journalist, Jeff Jacoby, whose views constantly keep me on edge whether in agreement or frustration, also sited in the above referenced essay that the interchangeable basis of rules and regulations yet again rears its ugly head. Speaking of the CBS News website’s photographic streaming of the naked prisoners in Iraq and the non-viewable beheading of Nicholas Berg and it’s being, “too gruesome to show.” invites us all to look further into what is right and what really, is considered wrong.

Confused. "Arguably over the last several years, no single person on this planet has had the blood of more innocent men, women and children on his hands than Zarqawi.” words spoken by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. In the eyes of the people both “here” and “there” what is the real difference between George Bush’s policy and Abu Musab al Zaqarwi’s policy? Both are leaders, both are extreme, both decided to wage war on the others country. Neither has the majority of support from the people for his actions, neither, in my humble opinion, cares about anything other than his very own warped opinions and views. Are we the birds of prey or are they?

Embarrassed. At what expense will we finally attain a victory? Reading an excerpt from Ms. Roy’s essay, “Americans must be allowed to continue with their way of life...” then and only then would Mr. Rumsfeld consider the American people victorious. Not when we have come to an agreement with other countries on the policies concerning the world, not when the bloodshed of society has ceased, but when we are allowed to run amuck about the world, without discretion. We should have complete autonomy as if we were the spoiled children of the rich and infamous? This is wrong and is a testament to the very quagmire into which we have placed ourselves.

Disgusted. We, the people - American and Iraqi -, are the flotsam and jetsam of our respective societies and the wars carried out for the sake of our rights. Most of us would rather not rape and pillage countries, most of them would rather not have us rape, pillage and then apologize for our behavior. Our rights are floating away, piece by piece, in the name of fighting for what again? Oh yes. Freedom. Because of our particular political flora and fauna we have rights and privileges that do not apply to any person un-American? Although this essay is less about the years to come and more about my present angst, it feels very relevant. Each of these topics would not have existed were it not for the September 11th attack on all things American. This essay started from the end, I suppose, or was it the middle?

Where, when and how in the name of God, or Allah in a manner of respectfully speaking, will it all ever end? My simplistic political views are mine to bird-dog and I accept that wholeheartedly. Right or Wrong. Then again what does it matter, I am not, in fact, the decider.

Which leads me to believe, more now than ever, that a bird in the hand, is certainly worth the two (wrongs) and a Bush.

"Our nation is somewhat sad, but we’re angry. There’s a certain level of blood lust, but we won’t let it drive our reaction. We’re steady, clear-eyed and patient, but pretty soon we’ll have to start displaying scalps."

~George W. Bush~

For all intents and purposes, fortunate or un-, this is my Life ;-)~