Because Me.

When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you.

- - Lemony Snicket

Intent

What is your intention for the day?

For tomorrow...for your Life?

I write to express; I write to learn.

The more you teach; the more you understand what it is you need to learn. This moves you infinitely closer to your purpose.

Know your goal.

Write it down. Work on it everyday. Achieve it...piece by piece. (And don’t stop! #MessageToSelf)

Check off that step, move “On to the next one.” - - Jay Z

.

.

.

And know your worth. Always. - - Aisis 

The (Ayes Ha)ve It.

Beauty is in the Ai of the beholder

Behold.

It's not the hair on my head,

It's not the clothes I wear.

It's not the gloss I don

Not the eyeliner/mascara pair.

It is the Love that I give 

It's the Life that I dare.

And it's not of my doing

I'm like a gem

And 

I am rare.

--

And. 

Then. 

There's. 

You.

There's so much you do

So much you lay bare

I would give you my life

My soul to share.

iAm She; the Little One

Love me here or love me there  

Here on earth or anywhere.

But.

Always love.

**Laissez-faire.

4:18 a.m. 

Bro, do you even intellect 💡, the ayes have it? My name is all in there 📰 #InPlainSite. I'm definitely a "*G".

*G is for genius, et al.

**Laissez-faire - A French phrase meaning let it be (can also be used in a politically systematic context)

The Ai of the Storm

It was axed; and that tree did fall.

It was moved by the wind; and that body of water did wave.

It was plucked; and that Calla Lily did eventually die.

It was hidden; and that soul did wither.

It was in the sun; and that picture did yellow.

It was unsanded: and that wood did splinter.

It was untreated; and that mahogany no longer shone. 

It was cut; and that body did bleed.

Profusely 

Until there was nothing left.

And then...

Something new and beautiful grew.

Life.

Anew.

Crazy

I've always been Vampiric

Up all night, sleep all day, living life a bit hazy 

He thought of me weird and wondered how

Life made me so crazy.

He never understood I was fighting for Love

My thoughts focused and clear 

He being one of The Lost Boys

Me wanting to be bitten.

Me

Having no fear.

And

He,

Blindly unaware

Of the

Life

He encompassed.

Harsh injustice.

C'est la vie, #SillyRabbit

Life moves on. 💋

Bloodless

#StayWoke

I am deeply aware there are people that take my kindness, and my silliness, my right-right nowness; my:

Bluntness;

Happiness;

Hippiness;

Quietness;

Stresslessness;

Descriptiveness;

Stubbornness;

Giddiness;

Wondrousness;

Child-like Hopefulness;

Forgiveness;

Aloofness;

Rise above it allness;

Breathlessness;

Unostentatiousness;

Overscrupulousness;

Agelessness;

No-ness;

All of my 'nesses for "Emptiness"...

Don't judge me for your lack of earth-connected-ness.

Although I am free flowing like the air I breathe; I am also solid as sediment. 

And.

All I do is rock, rock, rock.

Don't fall prey to my sweet lullaby of living.

I don't relish the light; I am not shady.

I know how to use that light; and I see your shade.

And I remember.

I see you. 

I see you. 

I see you.

* (To be clear, this is not to the You of the plural you, as in every reader. This is to the Hers of the you. The She's of which are either well aware or not so sure. Be sure. My child-like abandon didn't get this far being empty; I made it this far because I worked for it. And because I enjoy my life, as is, does not mean it is less than, or that iAm. #IJS...Do you even J.D., though?)

Migraines. I Just.

Where do I even begin...?

Migraines are the devil. Like, lit'raly. It's comparison to being attacked by the demon himself, is nearly 🎯 spot-on. I say nearly because migraines are all encompassing and unrelenting. The devil, on the other hand, can be defeated with the Word. Amen?

Anyway, back to this migraine; my one coup de grâce (ok, ok, ok...I'm being sort of dramatic 🙄, but I'm in pain and you're already here 😬 so let's just make the best of this dire turn of events 🤕. ^note to self: figure out how to 🎻 play 🎻 background music when alerting the universe that good vibes are not only warranted but desperately needed and will be quickly absorbed).

Migraine sufferers do so in silence. Not because we are the valiant, selfless friend or family member but because it...just...hurts...so...bad. The pain is inexplicable and if a person (lay person, professional person, medical personnel included), does not suffer from migraines or have not cared for someone who suffers from migraines, trying to express this pain as quietly as you can, preferably in a dark room, is like trying to convince someone to sell you illegal drugs. I kid you not.

This is a sad pain-infused, vampiric, please turn-off-the-whole-day's-sunlight-before-I-start-🤢melting🤢-🤢melting🤢-like-Evillene-releasing-the-flying-🦍-monkeys-🦍 (pretend that's a monkey), Ayesha, today.

Which is a great segue into the stigma behind migraine sufferers and pain medicines. The Emergency Department treats you like a complete addict. (There. I said it.) Which, of course, causes your head to hurt even steeper. So, we find alternative means or suffer in silence. There are so many articles/blogs/group thinks where these discussion are heart-breaking and I take solace in knowing that it isn't just me.







Without one particular migraine medicine, the migraines I deal with last at least 72 hours. I can't just troop it out. Today we are at hour 32...just about half way through. And, I feel like I am not going to make it. I will make it though; I always do.







http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/migraine-virtual-reality-video_us_57075b60e4b0c4e26a225176







For me, I can function when my pain level is at 4 or less, where I am right now. The video above describes my off-kilter, vertigo, sluggishness, and confusion when speaking, it does not describe when the pain hits. Not at all. It's a scary phase though, because I am on thin ice...anything could set it off, something as simple as a car alarm, the bell to my apartment, or a preteen and her cousin, who is more like her sister, screaming that their favorite primo is coming to visit from Puerto Rico (#Praying #PuertoRico!).







So. I am writing. It calms me down and I can usually write the pain away, pick words apart and get lost in all their intricate meanings.

This was a happy, pain-free Ayesha, the day before yesterday (FENTY Bomb Gloss on fleek 😜).

There are typically four phases of a migraine.



The prodrome (happens hours or days before the migraine); the aura (just before the headache, almost like The Lord is warning you to get to a safe place); the pain phase (obvs.); the postdrome (*Finally. FINally. **FINALLY! The end.).







Here are mine:



Phase 1 - Anything in the atmosphere could be the culprit, for me in the prodrome phase. Something has been done or not done properly by yours truly: I've not avoided a strong perfume; certain types of chocolate; air; an unknown ingredient in a food or beverage I typically consume life; any food or beverage I typically consume; liberty; the pursuit of happiness (no really, if I am having a moment of anxiety, happily so or not, AFTER I have accomplished said overwhelmingly anxious moment...the blood vessels in my brain unload whatever residual, I don't know, adrenaline by-products all...at...once and then it's all over.).







I can almost predict it.







Phase 2 - Oh Dear, Baby Jesus. Please, not now. When the aura phase occurs I am in no pain, but the people around me may be in pain. I am nearly incoherent. You can of course, hear me...but I am rambling bundle of thoughts. Now, I speak just like I write, in a wildly intricate cornstalk maze sort of way. I have examples and analogies for any scenario, walking this and that, going over the bridge and through the woods, but I eventually get to the point. This is very different from a migraine haze. In the middle of this aura; remembering half of what I am saying in the moment, or said or did by the next moment, let alone the next day or so, is almost completely unheard of.







Phase 3 -



 

Phase 4 - In the postdrome phase, it's like walking out of grey and stormy clouds 🌫🌪🌫...I've only been awake to witness this lifting of sorts maybe 30 times (that sounds like an awful lot, it isn't an awful lot when you've had migraines since you were nine years old and exactly one month ago, you turned the beautiful age of grace - 47!).







For the thousands of other migraines, I've slept through the relief lifting minutes and woke up renewed. Renewed and thankful that I could get on with the rest of my life.







I typically write faction; fiction based on fact, but on this blog, with the three of you faithful followers, I decided to forgo my comfort zone and write in the here and now; the way I felt in the hear and now.







#LookingGoodBillyRay



#FeelingGoodLouis























*in my best @jesshilarious_hilarious voice (Instagram)











**Just looking at that hurts my head 😒. It literally feels loud. How does something feel loud, family?