I’m tired
Tired of having empty dreams
Tired of giving my all and not being seen
...just for them to forget what I mean
to them
Or meant
Upon a time.
Tired of loving people to their health & their happy place
Tired of putting on a façade & a happy face
...for their pleasure and not mine.
Tired of ignoring the pain
Tired of listening to their holier than thou
In vain
Tired of being the face of the right thing to do
Tired of being morally astute in my view of you
Tired of your incongruent brand new
...even though I know all too well the YOU of you
Deeply. Wholly. Specifically. Covertly.
I see you. I saw you.
And I still loved you.
And I still do.
Tired of those who don’t truly know me
I’m letting sleeping dogs lie at last
Because I’ve become tired of swatting the fleas as they pass
Tired of inconsistencies
Tired of being judged
Tired of the solace and the silence
Tired of the space and ambivalence
Tired of believing in the fairytales
Tired of crying for hours on end
Holding tight to pain-filled wails
Because I don’t want to say the words to hurt my “friends”
Because I waited patiently to make amends
Not because I caused pain, not because I wasn’t a friend
But because I’m breaking it off
Because I will no longer bend
I’m thinking you won’t even notice the shift
You fear being open, causing a rift.
Tired of believing in “...taking it to the grave”
There’s a new path to walk and it’s being paved
It’s different now
And it will never be the same
We’re family....
It was said
But only in name
Now it’s time to just do me.
Like you did and do
While I waited in the wing
Remembering I stood by your side when you were in need
Waited for you to get up to speed
Been there; done that on your new ‘ting
Never left your side on some New Jack Swing
Never just focused on my own thing
But you did.
I am tired, y’all.
Of holding on to the love of this my only one
I’m tired y’all.
And. I. Am. Just. Done.
Today, I let it all go.
And It Doesn’t Feel So Good.
Today.
But it will.